My Spoon Is Too Big

Some of the most fun in life is to quote things that people don't get. Sometimes a reference is funny and just sounds amusing when said. "My spoon is too big." is one of those phrases. Goes hand-in-hand with "I am a banana."

Or chanting the word "Dick" over and over then shouting "BALLS!" It's from a funny video that I enjoyed laughing at a few years ago.

Or quoting an old Jim Carey film. Some people born pre-1995 get the jokes. While youngins say these things not knowing where the quote is from. Usually they think it's from some YouTube personality.

I know I've said things that I thought were from one comedian, but it was actually from something completely different. "They're all gonna laugh at you!"

This brings me to my last point- I've enjoyed listening to some old comedy albums of the 90's again. Adam Sandler, Dennis Leary, The Jerky Boys… all great at their peak, and some still have a few good jokes or songs that really hit the mark.

Not all of it is funny anymore. Maybe it never was. Maybe my sense of humor is changing. Perhaps I'm getting older. Perhaps I care about clever humor once again.

And poop jokes. Those are funny.

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How To Throw A Good BBQ

Last night we went to a "Backyard Bash". There was a $15/person fee to enter and enjoy. And enjoy we did.


The main food attraction was a spit roasted pig! It smelled and tasted heavenly.

There was a live band echoing some fun and amazing cover tunes.

We played badminton (for fun this time, not like I mentioned in Bad Min Ton). My daughter and I then had a water fight and a few more people joined in.

There was a face painter and a guy who made balloon animals. My daughter learned how to make balloon dogs and is now contemplating a career in it…

Food and drinks and friends and family and music and fun. A perfect Saturday BBQ party. All proceeds going to Stepping Stone Community Services Society.

All-in-all it was a successful mid-summer BBQ.

No Tobacco

I used to smoke. Years ago. I regret it immensely. No one to blame but myself for starting. I must've been 17 at the time. Thinking it was cool. But it wasn't.

Cigarettes were a part of my life growing up. My father, his friends, the neighbors, my aunts and uncles- almost all of them smokers. Ashtrays and stale smoke filled my home as I grew up. I'm not blaming or accusing anyone for me starting but it didn't deter me from it either. In fact, back in my childhood I remember my father having a set of pipes and a large jar of tobacco on display. Occasionally I would open the jar just to smell the tobacco.

I only know of one photo of me smoking since having children of my own. It was a Halloween party in 2002. As mentioned last year in Healthier Choice, I had made a conscious effort since meeting my wife in 2000 to not get photographed with a cigarette in my mouth or hand. We also had a no smoking indoors rule that we adhered to. It made smoking that much more difficult to enjoy- Although that really isn't the correct word, enjoying cigarettes never really happens. I believe it was somewhere on October 31st or November 1st 2004 that I smoked my last cigarette.

All I remember about it was that I felt like my lungs were collapsing and I wasn't getting any oxygen in. It was right after another Halloween party at our place. I quit cold turkey that day. My wife had already quit because of being pregnant ages before. She had already been closer to never smoking again than I was. But me quitting helped to never have it again in our home.

I keep one of my father's old pipes in a small box with his wedding ring and a ruby ring that he used to wear. In all the years growing up, I only ever saw my father smoke a pipe maybe twice. And that was when I was about 4 or 5 years old. But my memory of him smoking was a part of who he was. The smell of cigarettes stayed in his beard and was a permanent fixture of who he was.

I now have to use an inhaler daily and also a steroid inhaler to give strength to my lungs in order to breathe somewhat normally. I hate it. I know that the dozen or so years of smoking increased the necessity of an inhaler but I probably would've needed one regardless at some point. Growing up in a home of secondhand smoke didn't help with my health.

Waking up today struggling to breathe is what prompted me to write this. I don't like talking about the negative parts of my life. But certain things I do not want to repeat. Smoking is one of them. And I really hope my children don't smoke ever.

Life is on Repeat…

Funny how life hits you in the strangest of ways. So far this summer I have cancelled plans at the last minute for no better reason than, "Just Because". It kind of bothers me. A couple days ago it was going for a hike to Inch Creek. Last night was the Drive-In movie. A few weeks ago it was cancelling going to the swimming hole up the road.


So today I chose to make a splash… I mean- make it up to the family. We went to the swimming hole for an hour or so to cool down. We got back home and I was about to sit down and write about it, when I remembered that I had done that before. Cooling Off was written one year ago.

So it's odd that life is on repeat. Because two years prior we did the same thing. Every year we went once. As much as it was a nice treat, chances are we won't be going there again this summer.


Now it's time for another evening on the lake as the kids do dryland training for speed skating.

So far the summer is on repeat: Work, nap, lake, beers… not that I'm complaining. I need to get the kids to the Drive-In movies this summer before it's too late. I also need to get some camping and get a few hikes in.

Life could be a lot tougher. But life is pretty freaking swell, even if it is on repeat.

Bad Min Ton

My wife is very competitive at everything she plays. From video games to table top games- she has a mean streak. I hate playing Dr. Luigi against her. Badminton is no different.

When we first moved into this home we set up a badminton court in our backyard during the summer. It has moved locations a couple times, and we even set up temporary flood lights to play into the evening hours. Whenever we had friends over, my wife would try and make it sound like they were going to have a friendly match. Little did they know that she was ruthless. That's probably part of the reason we don't entertain as much as we once did.

A few years ago, we tore out our old deck. I moved it directly onto where our court should have been. We did not play badminton for about three years. Life was wonderful. Until this year. My wife convinced me and some of my friends to move the deck and use it as a Parkour wall to get onto the tree deck. She took advantage of my newfound enjoyment of Parkour and soon after the deck was moved, the badminton net was erected.

My joyful summers have come to an end. My wife has begun playing two to three times a day against our children. I only play her to spare their lives. I am afraid that if we invite anyone over for a BBQ, they will be subjected to a clear and utter badminton dominance from my wife. Ridicule 100% guaranteed as well.


You have been forewarned. Be careful of my wife. She is as vindictive as The Eradicator from "Kids in the Hall". Let the carnage begin!

Seriously Not Serious

Those who know me, know me well. I have a difficult time behaving stern and serious. I'm not saying that I don't take certain situations seriously, I'm just saying that life should be enjoyable.

I think my sense of humor has passed on to my children a bit as well (like I mentioned the other day in my post: Tuck Your Balls In.) But my enjoyment of life also passes on to my friends and coworkers as well. I find sharing anecdotes and laughing makes everything better. Like Monty Python once sang:

I used to enjoy Monty Python. I think I need to dig out my old Python CDs and DVDs to enjoy some of their classic bits. British humor is always clever. So easy to poke fun at life, or death, if you can't take it seriously.

Now I'm off to text a dick joke to a friend to brighten his day. Hopefully he doesn't get all choked up by it.

Godzilla.

I am tremendously upset this morning, besides not having the most stellar night at work. I came home and made myself a pot of coffee and some toast. Mind you, in our home we prepare the coffee the night before and have it on a timer to start in the morning. So if I get home before the timer has started the coffee, I just turn it on. No big deal.

But for the second time within a week, after I pour my cup of coffee, I find a small dead moth floating in it. You have got to be f**king kidding me. Twice. In a week. What the hell. I'd like to think it's because we make strong coffee, but that's a lie. I don't know if the moth was in the cup before I poured the coffee. Or if it was in the coffee pot drowning in the hot liquid. Or in the sugar and again, died in the coffee after being submerged.

I am very upset by this. But not so upset that I would pour out my coffee. So I'm going to share a couple of my monster movie experiences.

When I was a little boy of about age 2 or 3, I saw my first Godzilla movie. It was on a tiny little black and white tv in an apartment building (or hotel?) that my parents were in for a brief while. My mother was busy doing laundry and ironing clothes while I sat on a vinyl foot stool with my face nearly pressed up against the screen. I remember vividly the steamy smell of the ironing as I watched what seemed to be a marathon of Godzilla films. I remember Mothra and Mechagodzilla battling it out with the king of the lizards.

It was a surreal moment being a few floors up in a high rise with the curtains open and the tv showing monsters trashing the city. To me, this was the best thing ever. A little boy whose imagination hoped to see a monster outside during the commercial breaks. Over the next few years, I remember playing in the bathtub and pretending to be a monster splashing around battling other monsters.


The years passed, and I outgrew the bathtime silliness. I had all but forgotten about the monster movie series. The next time I saw a Godzilla film was "Godzilla 1985" at a friend's birthday party. Then I became obsessed all over again with cheesy Asian films. In the summer of 2000, I took my wife to see Godzilla 2000 in the theater. It was a Saturday matinee and we ended up being the only two people in the auditorium.

So thank you little moth for dying in my coffee. I am now going to find some classic Godzilla films to watch with my kids. They need to understand the beauty of a man in a rubber suit trashing a city.

Pudding Cups

For work I usually pack a lunch.  Mostly due to the fact that I like to save money.  But also because I don’t want to be eating McDonald’s at 3am four days a week.  

My lunches are usually pretty straightforward. My main meal is either a serving of leftovers or a sandwich. I try and have a piece of fruit and homemade cookies or banana bread.  I also take snacks that I steal from my children throughout the school year- such as granola bars. But the one thing that is a constant in my lunch is pudding.

Here’s the thing.  I don’t really like pudding. I have gone for weeks with the same pudding cup packed in my lunch.  I’m not saying I hate pudding- I just don’t tend to eat it.  I usually pack a good sized lunch that I can graze through during my shift. It’s almost as if pudding is the last option and I’m still starving after eating the rest of my lunch.  


Vanilla and butterscotch are my two most liked flavors.  They are simple and easy to enjoy.  Pretty hard for a company to screw up either of those flavors.  Honestly, even the flouride provided by my dentist has these flavors, not to mention it’s virtually the same texture as pudding.

I’ll eat chocolate or the occasional extreme flavor (like lemon meringue) pudding if it’s all that we have.  But I refuse, refuse, to eat tapioca.  It looks and smells gross, like the innards of a caterpillar that’s been squished and it’s guts came out of one end only. The texture of tapioca pudding reminds me of the after effects of waking up from suffering a head cold: The chunky boogers are mixing with the runny snot and you have no choice but to swallow it otherwise you wouldn’t be able to breath.

So ya, pudding cups stay in my lunch for quite a while. I’d rather take some yogurt.  I hear that shit’s good for you.

Tuck Your Balls In

My son is eleven.  Jokes about penises and farts are rampant.  Of course, me being immature, can’t help but laugh.

No idea what this means to my son, but he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever.


I know that I should probably be telling him not to say those things or act that way.  But that’s not really what the world is about.  The real world is full of NSFW memes and quick witted jokes. So instead, I’m trying to teach him when it’s appropriate to say or act a certain way in polite society.  This is proving to be more of a challenge.

He is also trying to work in sarcasm on a regular basis.  It’s too bad that 80% of the time he just sounds like he’s being an asshole. Usually it’s directed towards his sisters, but once in a while he tries it out on my wife and I.  It’s hard to not want to punish him… he hears my wife and I joke with each other frequently.  He just needs to finesse his delivery and timing. There’s so much left to teach him still.


Hopefully by the time he makes it to high school, I’ll have helped him develop his personality.  And hopefully that personality is respectful with just a hint of douchieness- like his old man.

Best Day of the Summer

Here we are about a third of the way through summer.  So far, so good.  We’ve enjoyed most of our freedom, with only a couple little bumps along the way.  Bumps being: not having a perfect and fun experience all the time (Yesterday’s Grumpy Bums is a good example). For the most part it’s been a great beginning.

And today is the day of all days for our summer.  Or most peoples that we associate with’s summer.  SDCC Exclusive Movie Trailer Day!  *MUPPET FLAIL*

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I’m Ready to enter the Oasis.

First one was a trailer for a film that I am super excited to see. I read the book ages ago, and it still hits me in the nostalgia feels as I reminisce about it. Ready Player One has tons of Easter eggs fitting into the 80s motif.

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This Halloween: Season 2 of Stranger Things

My family is super excited about Stranger Things Season 2. Again, this one has mid 1980’s written all over it.  I’ve put $50 in quarters into Dragon’s Lair over my days…

Finally for my excitement was the newest Thor: Ragnarok trailer.  The MCU always pleases our family.  This one looks no less fun.

There are plenty of more trailers that have also come out, but these three top my list.  San Diego Comicon is the only Con that I have on my bucket list that I need to attend.  One day I’ll be in Hall H.  One day….