What a Tool.

This weekend was a scorcher in Vancouver/Lower Mainland.  The heat kicked in full force. After a fun Friday night with an old friend- did you read Grilled the other day? My Saturday consisted of pressure washing and chainsawing (that’s a word right?). The good thing was most of my work was in the shadows of the trees.  But I still overheated and broke out into a manly, musky sweat.  Oooo that smell..


I was on a roll and just didn’t want to stop. I could’ve cut down another five or six trees if my wife hadn’t stopped me.  She only stopped me because I looked like I was ready to pass out.  I was dirty, oily and covered in sawdust.  Shortly thereafter my allergies went full force trying to kill me.


My macho manliness came to a crashing halt as quickly as it started.  I showered to try and cool off and clean my body.  Then, I endured the pleasure of using a neti pot to cleanse my nasal passages.  Imagine a skinny 6’8″ man hunched over the bathroom sink in a pair of boxers with a small plastic teapot pouring salt water into his nose.  I’m all that and more, remember when I talked about My Man Card?  In fact, this evening I was bombing down the road with my wife in the car with “The Village People: Macho Man” cranked.  Possess the strength of confidence, that’s the skill…

I am too cool- even during this heatwave.

Summertime!

June is almost over and if you are like me and have kids- they are super excited right about now.  This has caused a lack of thinking and functionality from our three beasts. The weather is nicer and the act of being stuck in a classroom is overwhelming. Getting home and the idea of chores or homework is forgotten.  Soon my children.  Soon it will all be over.  Summer is officially here.

And with summer comes the great scare. What do we do with kids at home for ten weeks??? 


Every one of my days off is slowly getting accounted for.  All my freedom is becoming locked down into day trips, nature walks and BBQ dinners with friends.  Long evenings sipping cold drinks are upon us.  Letting the kids run around the yard until the sun goes down for the day. I have realized that my summer can be broken down into four basic hang outs.

1. My family: beaches, rivers, road trips, long walks, drive in movies.

2. My wife: relaxing in the yard, watching tv, just being besties.

3. My friends: laughs, drinks, more laughs, discovering new beers, laughing some more.

4. My work: having the ability to work both indoors or outdoors on a regular basis is a great benefit when the weather is beautiful.


I am excited about the many adventures that we shall go on this summer.  I hope to share them all here in my blog.  I wish we could do more. If only work would stop getting in the way.

Bed Neglect.

The age old question, “Why make your bed if you’re just going to sleep in it again?”


Our bed is rarely made up. But it’s not my fault. Usually for a day or two after clean sheets are put on, I tend to straighten out the bed and try to keep it looking fresh.  But then it happens.  Not even slowly.  Seriously, on the third day after clean linens are on- the caring just stops. By the third night’s sleep, the softness of the blanket and the fresh laundry smell is gone.  So is the desire to care about the one thing that brings me great joy after the end of the day. 

Neglected bed.

It lays there in wait.  It doesn’t know what it did wrong or why you just stopped caring.  But it welcomes you anyways.  The disheveled blankets quickly wrap you with the comfort and warmth you need. But it’s not the same as that first day of clean linens. It never is.

“But Josef, why don’t you just make the bed?”

Two reasons. 

1. I’m not the last one out of it and I’ve gone to work already.

2. I’m too lazy to care.

“But Josef, why doesn’t your wife make the bed?”

Two reasons.

1. She claims that the bed needs to “air out” to prevent germs or bugs.

2. Or she claims that I was the last one up, so why didn’t I bother to make it?

The bed remains neglected. After every sleep, you just get out of bed, leave your room and start your day. And you don’t turn back for 12-16 hours. 

But neglected bed remembers your curves. 

Neglected bed will bring you comfort.

Neglected bed won’t neglect you.

Just What I Needed

Nine days ago my wife and I attended the wedding of some old friends. It was a small intimate wedding about the size of ours.  I knew about half of the people there from meeting them over the many years of friendship with the groom. It was great to socialize and laugh. In fact I had the most fun being sober at this wedding.


Those who know me know that I enjoy having a few drinks at these types of events.  Even more so if the booze is running freely.  This time around, I agreed with my wife to give her a chance to let loose.  So she did and had a great time. We sat with some friends and laughed.


Throughout the night music played and people sang.  They sang quite well in fact.  It was a lot of fun. I began having some intense discussions with the non-sober people about music.  Turns out, everyone knows songs from The Cars and Kenny Loggins.

So as we sat at the table singing “The Cars Greatest Hits” over dinner, I realized that I enjoy sobriety as much as I enjoy intoxication. “Let the good times roll.”  We discussed Kenny Loggins impact on the films of the 80’s and how each of the songs he wrote that appeared on sound tracks helped defined the movie.  

The topics we had throughout the night kept everyone in great spirits.  We joked about drugs, dildos, and dinosaurs. At one point, one person was writing a song for my wife and I.  I believe it was called “Pound Town”.  

The night was a riot.  For the car ride home, I drove a couple of other friends home as well who had been enjoying the drinks.  My wife really let loose at the wedding and people began to question who was the more “adult” person in the relationship.

That’s a good sign.  It means that we both still enjoy life and all it has to offer. Be it sober or a bit tipsy. Or a lot tipsy as was the case for my wife and our friends. Like Kenny Loggins once said, “I’m alright, nobody worry about me.”

Don’t Talk To Me

Today I had a “Don’t F*cking Talk To Me” kind of day.  I wasn’t having a bad day.  I just had no desire to interact with humans.  The little interactions I have had were short and one word answers.  That was most of my day.  Plus I got two naps.

So why did I want to be left alone?


There’s a lot on my mind lately.  There is some maintenance to be done in our home. The kids are reaching their year end at school. Property taxes and summer vacation are on the horizon. And pretty much everything in between.  All jumbled and swirling in my head that I don’t know where to start. So I needed a “Don’t F*cking Talk To Me” day.

I am going to move past this. Llike the old adage says, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” That’s my life at the moment.  I had my time of inner reflection.

Tomorrow is baby steps.

One bite at a time.

Am I Doing This Right?

I’m not sure if or when it may have happened.  Apparently I am an adult. 


Yup.  This guy.  The one with a wife and three kids.  


I own a home with a mortgage. I also have car payments and bills.


This same guy who filled his garage with Lego some 12 years ago instead of parking his car is an adult. Yes, my shirt says “MUST BE THIS TALL TO RIDE”.


My version of becoming an adult is filled with “Dad Jokes” and silliness.  I can have all the responsibilities but continue to have the fun that I never wanted to give up. Being an adult isn’t easy.  But at the end of the day if I have food, shelter and a smile on my face- that’s a big win. 

This adulting thing is interesting to say the least.  Am I doing it right? I wonder what Mr. Smileyballoonface thinks?

Grade 7 Camp


It seems to be a rite of passage for those in Grade 7 to go on a class camping trip.  I did it when I was younger.  Our oldest daughter did it two years ago. And today our middle child is off to camp for the week.

Taking the children away for a week is like a breath of fresh air for us parents.  So far a minimum of 8 years has been spent taking the kids to school.  Add two more to that for us since we did two years of part time preschool! We have been helping them with homework or friend problems along the way.  This camping adventure is also a way for the teachers to unwind a bit and let the kids prove that they are becoming young adults before entering into middle/high school. There’s probably some teachable moments thrown in…


Of course there will be swimming, hiking, campfires, archery, canoeing, and all the other good times.  Some skills that the kids will enjoy, while other skills will be more life lessons. Mess hall meals and scheduled sleep times will help to keep them in line. All-in-all lots of fun and games with friends and not too many parents.

I’m going to miss our daughter this week.  So it’s a good thing I’ll be sleeping all day long and working through the nights.  I hope she enjoys the trip with her classmates. I remember enjoying mine.  That reminds me- I should probably look at booking our campsite for later this summer before they’re all gone…

My Wife Loves Me- No Matter What It Might Look Like…


My wife has a sense of humor.  She married me after all.  I asked her why she loved me the other night and she said it’s because I make her laugh.  Something-something bedroom joke… Probably because this is me topless:


Ladies!  Hands off!  I’m taken and my wife was told no refunds! I’m pushing out the belly a bit, but that’s the full meal deal right there. Josef in all of his glory!  Look at that sexy pose!  How could she not love me?  She even enjoys driving me around:


This was today’s fun.  Pretty calm compared to some of our other banter.  I swear that some of my friends have become her friend on social media just to see her side of the “arguments”.  Neither of us has crossed a line against the other when it comes to the jokes.  The only thing that has happened is that now that our children are entering into their teen years on social media- we are watching what we write in that aspect.  I know if my parents were online joking about sex with each other- I’d have needed more therapy than I do now.


So my wife laughs at me.  I laugh at her.  We laugh together. Then she snorts.


As we grow older, we will continue to poke fun at each other’s flaws and shortcomings.  Because in the end, it doesn’t matter.  We’re in it together to enjoy the foolishness of life.

Bad Blood

Sometimes hostility remains even after you have “Buried The Hatchet”. I don’t tend to keep in contact with people who piss me off.  And it takes a lot to get me to that point.


But I also know that I have lost many so called friends, or missed out on job opportunities, even dating when I was younger because of someone’s influence on the lady person I liked.  Opinions matter to nearly everyone in the known universe.  Opinions about oneself, each other, current events- you name it, people have an opinion.  And it sucks.

It sucks being a quality Grade “A” asshole.  It sucks being treated like you’re second class.  It sucks that not everyone shares the same opinion. It sucks that we feel things. It sucks that we can’t be emotionless drones. It sucks…

But it doesn’t suck.  It means we are weeding out those around us that aren’t of benefit.  There are people we need to lose contact with because they are jerks. Or perhaps because of the lack of their intellect makes them appear as jerks.  Maybe we lose a friend or two because they are taking something of value away from us.  Maybe it’s emotional, maybe it’s tangible- maybe it’s the air we breathe.  But losing people from our lives means they have run their course.  


Being courteous doesn’t mean I have to be nice.  People need to breathe and eat- you won’t see me choking the shit out of a dumbass, no matter how badly I want to.  I’m also 100% sure that I’ve been on the receiving end of that hate.  Come on, I have a younger sister- she’ll tell you how great of a big brother I was in the past. 

Stop caring what people think of you.  Start caring about what you think of o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶s̶ yourself. Just be the best you that you can be. Dammit I ranted.  

Here’s a picture of a rhododendron from my front yard.  It don’t give a shit what you think.  It’s pretty because it’s designed to be pretty. Not because someone told it to change.

Read a Book?

I am adamant about writing my blog every day.  I enjoy it.  It’s an hour or so of just unwinding and clearing my head.  Sometimes it’s an idea that I had months ago and have just come back to it.  Sometimes it’s the experience of the day prior or a long distant memory.  Today, nothing.

Not that I don’t have stuff to write about.  Far from it.  But my internal inspiration is all busted up.  Or rather just uninspired.  And I realized what it is.  Too much screen time.  


Yes I said it.  The same guy who, over thirty years ago, had a tv in his bedroom from age eleven.  The very same guy who had to buy a first generation video iPod but now uses his cellphone for far better videos. The same guy who used to spend countless hours watching YouTube video clips.  That same fellow has realized that I need to cut back on my screen time.

I need to pick up a book and read it.  From cover to cover.  I need to feel the pages on my fingertips.  I need to re-read a paragraph because my mind wandered even though my eyes and brain read what was written. I need to re-read a paragraph because my mind wandered even though my eyes and brain read what was written. Yes, I’m a doofus and that was intentional.


I used to read all the time.  I loved it.  But because of my obsession with technology and shiny things, books have fallen by the wayside.  My wife has pointed out that we tend to go to bed and have Netflix running as a sleep inducer.  That’s not good.  I miss reading.  Goal for this summer is now to finish 4-5 novels.  Perhaps I will open up one of my old Stephen King or Michael Crighton novels to get my going.  Or Neil Gaiman.  Something besides tv.  

With that, I am off to bed now.  Hopefully with a good book & not giving into the temptation of the easy way out.  Oh look! The tv remote is on my side of the bed…